Bondage

BDSM.  The B stands for Bondage.  But what is erotic bondage?  Here’s what Wikipedia says.  “Bondage is consensual tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic, and/or somatosensory stimulation.”  That is a great starter definition.  Now let’s dig a little deeper.

Bondage can take many forms.  It can involve rope, cuffs, scarves, shackles, literally anything that will immobilize someone.  The form of bondage being done is dependent on not only the one doing the bondage, but on the person receiving it.  Negotiating this is important so that everyone involved enjoys what is being done.  The person being placed in bondage has a responsibility to inform the one doing the bondage of any issues that would be important.  Have you had any injuries that will prevent you from being in certain positions for a length of time?  Do you have any psychological issues that need to be accounted for before, during, and after?  These things can stop a scene in its tracks and ruin the entire experience for everyone involved.

There is also mental bondage.  Having the agreement with your partner that once placed in a specific position you will not move unless guided to a new position, or told to assume a new position.  This is a great way to start for newcomers, someone with a physical limitation, or suffers from panic attacks due to bondage scenarios. 

There are advantages and drawbacks to both forms of bondage.  Mental bondage takes into consideration those mental or physical limitations.  But it does not have the same feel that physical bondage does.  The actual sensation of the restraints.  The knowledge that you are completely at the mercy of the one binding you.  The literal, and very real, loss of movement.  Many submissives take a great deal of pleasure, and even comfort, from the actual restraining of their bodies.  The emotional release of letting go and giving themselves fully into the hands of another.  Mental bondage just doesn’t fulfill that feeling for them the same way.

Bondage has its dangers as well.  That is why the Dominant needs to know what he is doing.  Knowledge of how the restraints are going to affect their submissive both mentally, and physically.  Some basic understanding of anatomy comes in pretty handy.  Don’t tie her like that, it will restrict blood flow to her hands.  Or maybe just not quite as tight.  Keep feeling for danger signs.  Cold or clammy extremities, numbness, abrasions, cuts, or welts.  If you see these things then make sure to take the appropriate action.  Remember that the submissive has put her body, her safety, and potentially even her life, into your hands.  Don’t betray that trust.

Submissives also have an important role to play.  They need to be able to take inventory of their own bodies.  How to I feel physically?  How do I feel emotionally?  Is this scene going the way that I want it to go?  Do I need to use my safe word?  Being a submissive doesn’t mean you get to be complacent.

Along with these basic safety practices, make sure you keep learning as the Dominant.  Know your craft.  Take pride in what you are able to accomplish with what you have on hand.  Keep your kit tidy, your tools of the trade in good repair.  And above all else, keep your brain sharp.  It’s easy to get lost in the moment and lose sight of what you are doing.  Be ever vigilant to not only yourself, but the person you have under your control.  Keep yourself in control at all times, able to act appropriately if the need arises.  You are the Dominant.  You need to be the one in control.